As I was saying in Part 1, Louis and I continued in a spiritual battle against this thing. We went to all kinds of deliverence meetings, people with gifts for discernment....nothing helped. In the meantime, we moved to Dallas and Louis started going to Christ for the Nations. I remember as I drove the car I told the girls what to do if something happened to me ~ how to turn off the cruise control and take over the steering and bring the car to a safe stop. They were 13. I was expecting to die at any moment. The symptoms only increased and I really thought I was crazy. I was unable to carry on with any normal life (from the inside) but.....(from the outside)....none of my new friends knew what was going on.
I seem to be the type to "attract" needy people. That's because I have something they need....Jesus and the wisdom for practical applicaton of Biblical truths. This is not a pat on my back....it's a gift God has given me ~ but I let the urgent take over the important. The needy people came in droves to my apartment. They were sucking what life I had left out of me. This was not their fault....no indeed, it was mine. I had yet to learn about boundaries. I never set out to be someone's "savior", in fact, I always told them it was God who worked through me and led them to the Source. The problem was, like most people, they want you to hear from God for them. I felt sorry for them and continued to be drained.
It was now July. You would think by now I would have hit bottom. But no! We went to more meetings and more deliverance sessions. Still nothing worked. Then, a very dark day arrived. One of my cousins died. She was only 35. I was devastated. And I sunk even lower. After the funeral, I began having really dark thoughts of wanting to die and how I could do it.
Let me explain. I didn't have these feeling because of my circumstances. My circumstances were exagerating what was already there, beginning February 28th. My brain was becoming continually sicker and sicker. I became scared to eat. I was really afraid of forks. We lived in a two story townhouse and I was convinced that everytime I went up the stairs that I would die. I would stand in the grocery store and the room would seem to spin and I was certain I would never get out of there without an ambulance being called. Yet, everyone around me thought of me as cool, calm and collected as I chit chatted with my new neighbors.
September was fast approaching, Louis had started fall semester and I was attempting to start our homeschool again. We went to another meeting our pastor from Levelland was attending and was certain I could get help there. They prayed and prayed and prayed for me. No results. One woman took Louis aside and told him that I was sick and needed help from a psychiatrist and gave him the card of a Christian psychiatrist in our area. She offered to call him for us. I was outraged! I didn't believe in psychiactric help ~ I believed in demons, remember!
A couple more days found me getting a psychiactric evaluation by this doctor at the Haven Hospital. By now, I had one friend who understood what I was going through and she was there feeding me the Psalms to keep me calm until they called my name. Louis went in with me as I answered an extensive set of questions. Because I didn't have insurance, he was trying to keep me out of a clinical setting, so he gave me some meds for a chemical imbalance to start on right away. He diagnosed me as being extremely clinically depressed, with the addition of panic disorder.
Story continues in Part 3.
I seem to be the type to "attract" needy people. That's because I have something they need....Jesus and the wisdom for practical applicaton of Biblical truths. This is not a pat on my back....it's a gift God has given me ~ but I let the urgent take over the important. The needy people came in droves to my apartment. They were sucking what life I had left out of me. This was not their fault....no indeed, it was mine. I had yet to learn about boundaries. I never set out to be someone's "savior", in fact, I always told them it was God who worked through me and led them to the Source. The problem was, like most people, they want you to hear from God for them. I felt sorry for them and continued to be drained.
It was now July. You would think by now I would have hit bottom. But no! We went to more meetings and more deliverance sessions. Still nothing worked. Then, a very dark day arrived. One of my cousins died. She was only 35. I was devastated. And I sunk even lower. After the funeral, I began having really dark thoughts of wanting to die and how I could do it.
Let me explain. I didn't have these feeling because of my circumstances. My circumstances were exagerating what was already there, beginning February 28th. My brain was becoming continually sicker and sicker. I became scared to eat. I was really afraid of forks. We lived in a two story townhouse and I was convinced that everytime I went up the stairs that I would die. I would stand in the grocery store and the room would seem to spin and I was certain I would never get out of there without an ambulance being called. Yet, everyone around me thought of me as cool, calm and collected as I chit chatted with my new neighbors.
September was fast approaching, Louis had started fall semester and I was attempting to start our homeschool again. We went to another meeting our pastor from Levelland was attending and was certain I could get help there. They prayed and prayed and prayed for me. No results. One woman took Louis aside and told him that I was sick and needed help from a psychiatrist and gave him the card of a Christian psychiatrist in our area. She offered to call him for us. I was outraged! I didn't believe in psychiactric help ~ I believed in demons, remember!
A couple more days found me getting a psychiactric evaluation by this doctor at the Haven Hospital. By now, I had one friend who understood what I was going through and she was there feeding me the Psalms to keep me calm until they called my name. Louis went in with me as I answered an extensive set of questions. Because I didn't have insurance, he was trying to keep me out of a clinical setting, so he gave me some meds for a chemical imbalance to start on right away. He diagnosed me as being extremely clinically depressed, with the addition of panic disorder.
Story continues in Part 3.
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